


Asterix and the Vampire, Part One: a short story

by Michael_Demos



Category: Astérix le Gaulois | Asterix the Gaul & Related Fandoms
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:48:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22749583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Michael_Demos/pseuds/Michael_Demos
Summary: A little something I thought up. Includes a Roman vampire.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Asterix and the Vampire, Part One: a short story

Asterix frowned, narrowing his eyes. From his position in the woods, he could see the Roman’s camp. A stocky centurion stood talking to a tall, thin, sinister-looking man in a toga, and the small Gaulish warrior crept closer to listen.

“...and once we capture the druid,” the centurion said, “then we can finally get the recipe to that magic potion that gives those insufferable Gauls their strength.”

The blonde man, safely hidden in the bushes, rolled his eyes. Wouldn’t those Romans ever learn? On the rare occasions they managed to kidnap Getafix the druid, Asterix and his friend Obelix inevitably showed up to rescue him, bashing quite a few Romans in the process.

“...on that note,” Asterix murmured, glancing behind him, “where  _ is _ Obelix?”

* * *

The big red-headed warrior was currently deep in the forest. True to form, he’d gotten hungry, and decided to slip away for some wild boar- his favorite. Now he was crouched behind a fallen tree with his tiny black-and-white dog Dogmatix, watching a particularly plump boar snore.

Obelix licked his lips. “Look, Dogmatix,” he whispered. “So big, and round, and delicious…”

Dogmatix woofed softly in response.

Obelix stood up, gingerly lifting a leg over the tree trunk, then began to tiptoe towards the unsuspecting boar. As soon as he got close enough, he reached out to grab it, and-

_ Clang!! _

Obelix scowled as the boar, startled by the noise, shot to its hooves and tore away into the forest. Sure, Obelix could go after it, but something wasn’t right about that  _ clang _ . From all the times he’d bashed Romans in armor, he was getting really familiar with how each piece sounded. For instance, fists against armor sounded different than a sword against a shield, or a breastplate against the ground. This one sounded like a shield against a helmet. Normally that wouldn’t have been out of the ordinary- some centurions were fond of beating some sense into stupid legionnaires- but that came from the direction in which Obelix had left Asterix.

Obelix rose to his considerable height and shaded his eyes, peering through the trees. He didn’t see anything, or hear anything either. If Asterix was bashing Romans, there would have been more  _ clangs-  _ but there had only been one. The large Gaul didn’t like what that was implying.

* * *

A few minutes before, Asterix had turned his attention back to the Romans. The centurion was speaking again.

“...almost complete,” he said to his silent partner. “There’s just one little snag, you see- the-“

“I know,” the tall man said. His voice was like boar fat on ice- a thin, deceptively sweet layer that barely concealed the dangerously cold tone below. Asterix shuddered.

“The Gauls,” the man continued. “The thorn in our beloved Caesar’s side for so long, yes, but I have the solution. See, without the potion the Gauls are powerless, but not hopeless. We need to destroy the heart before the body, do you understand?”

The centurion shook his head. “The druid?”

The tall man sighed, obviously exasperated. “The druid this, the druid that. Is everything about the druid to you people? Don’t answer that,” he added quickly as the centurion opened his mouth to reply. “Allow me to spell it out for you, Caius Irritus. We must capture the chief.”

Asterix chuckled to himself as he withdrew. “Good luck with that,” he said. “Chief Vitalstatistix won’t go down without a fight.”

“But will you?”

Asterix froze, staring at the tip of the spearhead that was pressed against his nose. He’d been so focused on the Romans  _ inside _ the camp that he’d forgotten to check for Romans  _ outside _ the camp. There were two currently pointing spears at him- and only one was pale with fright. The other one had to have been a new recruit.

His hand crept towards the gourd at his side, filled with Getafix’s magic potion, but the Roman holding the spear moved the point from the Gaul’s nose to his chest, and he stopped moving.

“You’re coming with me,” the confident legionnaire said gleefully.

Asterix shifted his weight ever so slightly, and the pale legionnaire flinched. Asterix smiled. “Boo.”

The legionnaire yelped and jumped back, nearly dropping his spear, and in the process toppled into his confident companion. As quick as he could, Asterix leapt backwards, grabbing for the gourd, but his process was halted by the hand that closed around his upper arm.

“Hey!” Asterix protested, turning to look at whoever had seized him. It seemed the commotion had drawn the attention of what-was-his-name, Caius Irritus- and a few guards. Asterix was completely surrounded.

Behind Irritus stood the tall Roman, sneering at him. After a moment, he said slowly, “Caesar will want to see him. Bring him along.”

The small warrior lunged backwards, pulling his arm away and reaching for his sword, because no way was he giving up that easily, but before he could do more than take a step-

_ Clang!! _

-a sudden pain shot through his head and he thudded to the ground.

As Asterix fought unconsciousness, he dimly heard the sinister man say, “tie him up. Take his weapon and supplies. We’re leaving now, and can’t have him warning the others.”

* * *

“Asterix?”

Obelix couldn’t find his friend. “Asterix??”

Assuming that Asterix was fine, because he usually was, he hadn’t bothered to run. Because of this, it took him a few minutes to reach the place where the camp had been. He didn’t see any sign of Asterix, but several signs that Romans had been there- footprints, and a dropped spear, and a helmet- wait a minute.

Obelix dropped to his knees next to the familiar winged helmet, now with a dent in it, and glanced at his dog. “This isn’t a Roman helmet, Dogmatix,” he said. He couldn’t keep the worry out of his voice.

Well, Asterix had let himself get captured before, as part of his plans. Maybe that was what had happened? Something still didn’t feel right, though… Asterix never took his helmet off, except for eating or sleeping.

“Oh, no,” he whispered, realizing what had happened. He shot to his feet and scooped Dogmatix under his arm. He took off running. “Asterix!” Obelix yelled.  _ “Asterix!!” _

* * *

Asterix’s head hurt; he knew that before he even opened his eyes. There were more than a few too-loud noises around him that weren’t helping- the rattle of cart wheels, the stomping of many sandal-clad feet, chattering voices- those were Romans. Asterix gingerly peeked at his surroundings.

He was tied hand and foot with a cloth around his mouth, laying down in a cart with several bags of rations. It was noon, though the sky was overcast, and he could see rows and rows of trees as they traveled along what had to be a cobblestone road. His sword and helmet were nowhere to be seen- and neither was the gourd of his magic potion. That worried him. He had no way of telling how long he had been unconscious, and if one of the Romans had drank it, or figured out its secret-

“Oh, you’re awake, hmm?”

Asterix jerked back in surprise, hitting his head on the back of the cart. The sudden wave of pain made him realize that someone had given him a nasty bump. Once he was able to focus again, he stared up at the thin man sitting across from him. It was the same man from before.

“Oh no, don’t get up,” the man said silkily. “There’s no reason why we can’t sit right here and have a civil conversation, correct?”

Asterix just glared.

“...my name is Vlad Sinistrus,” the man continued. “You are Asterix the Gaul, as I understand it. Now, judging from our little meeting earlier, you are already aware of my previous plan to attack your village at the heart.”

Sinistrus paused there to gauge Asterix’s reaction. The little warrior didn’t say a word, and wouldn’t have even if he hadn’t been gagged, but his glare got a little harder. Sinistrus chuckled. “I’m sure you’ll be glad to hear that my plans have changed. You see-“ here he lowered his voice- “these legionnaires, and Centurion Irritus, are under the impression that we are taking you to see Caesar. They are very, very wrong, and do you know why?”

Sinistrus leaned close, his voice barely above a whisper. “Your chief isn’t the heart. It’s you. From the stories the Gauls tell, you’re the glue that keeps them hopeful, the strong ropes tying them together- get the picture?  _ My _ plan is to get you as far away from your home as possible, then dispose of you quietly.”

Asterix struggled against the ropes that bound him, shouting something muffled. On any other day he’d have been long gone, but he hadn’t had any potion in a while.

“This really is a wonderful thing, isn’t it?”

Asterix glanced up again, and his blood ran cold. Sinistrus was holding the gourd full of the potion.

“Mmmm,  _ mmm!” _ Asterix protested, head shaking and eyes wide with urgency.

Sinistrus paused, grinning down at the helpless Gaul. “Oh, is this yours?” He reveled in Asterix’s panic, then chuckled and tucked it securely into his toga. “You won’t be needing it.”

* * *

_ “Asterix?!!” _ Obelix called out once more, and again got no answer.  _ “Answer me!!!” _ He continued calling, then stopped suddenly as an awful thought struck him. What if Asterix  _ couldn’t  _ answer? “I never should have left him, Dogmatix,” he moaned. “Now those Romans have taken him away from me, and I don’t know where he is, or if he’s even  _ okay,  _ and-“

His anguished expression slowly hardened into a stony, furious one. “Dogmatix,” he said, looking down at his dog, “we’re going to find those Romans, and Asterix.” He bent down, letting the black-and-white canine sniff Asterix’s helmet.

After a few moments, Dogmatix looked up and barked once. Wasting no time, he trotted away with Obelix close behind. Usually all Dogmatix could sniff out was menhirs, but there was something in Obelix’s gaze that had told the faithful dog that this time it was serious. He would find Asterix, and Romans, and they would bash the Romans, and everyone would be happy. Except the Romans, but Dogmatix didn’t like Romans, so that was okay.

* * *

Asterix kept struggling, and though all his efforts seemed useless he thought he could feel them loosening. The cart had stopped, and he could tell from the shadows that it was now early evening. The only Roman he could see was Sinistrus, but that didn’t make him feel any better.

Not that he was scared; he was a Gaul, and officially only afraid of the sky falling on his head- but he  _ did  _ have a fear of losing his friends and family. As his current situation didn’t fall under any of those categories, he wasn’t  _ afraid. _ He was, however, nervous. Sinistrus was creepy, and sinister, and there was something  _ not-quite-human _ about him.

“The legionaires have gone to dinner,” Sinistrus told him eventually. “It is time.”

The thin Roman stepped out of the cart, easily scooping Asterix under his arm, and set off away from the legion into the forest.

“In all the years I have been alive,” Sinistrus muttered as he walked, “I have never found a mortal with as much…  _ life… _ as this Gaul.”

Asterix realized that the man was talking to himself. He decided to try to escape once more, and started subtly twisting his wrists, trying to loosen his bonds. He wiggled out of his gag first, and tuned out the Roman’s voice, but every now and then caught snatches of the conversation Sinistrus seemed to be having with himself.

“...properly prepared…”

“..need to restrain…”

“...drain him…”

The Gaul shuddered. Sinistrus sounded quite insane, which meant that Asterix had to get free and stop him before he hurt someone.

Sinistrus finally exited the forest and stopped by a towering cliff. Before them was the sea, the waves crashing upon the rocky shore and propelled by the cold wind that was picking up. A few wet droplets on his face and a glance at the sky told the warrior that a rainstorm was fast approaching.

“Up we go,” the Roman said to his captive. Asterix looked dubiously at the cliff face. As rocky as it was, it seemed unlikely that Sinistrus would be able to scale the surface, especially while carrying him.

What Sinistrus did next, however, gave the Gaul a shock. Without seeming to touch the cliff at all, the Roman darted straight up the side. It was almost as if he was flying, and Asterix realized that Sinistrus must have taken some of the potion. His situation had just gotten a little more dire.

Once they arrived at the top of the cliff, Sinistrus set Asterix down. Holding him still, he said, “this might hurt, but it is necessary. I can’t have you escaping me.” With that, he stared into the warrior’s eyes intently.

Moments passed without anything happening, and Asterix began to think that Sinistrus was even crazier than he’d thought. “...what, exactly, are you waiting for?” He asked finally.

Sinistrus pulled back, releasing his grip and letting Asterix fall. “Impossible,” he muttered, eyes wide in disbelief. He turned away from Asterix and began pacing. “Shouldn’t be able to resist… very strong will… have to find another.”

The man suddenly whirled around, lifting the blonde warrior with one hand. He strode towards the edge of the cliff overlooking the sea. “You won’t do at all,” he told Asterix. “I’ll have to find another thrall, one not as strong-willed as you, to serve me.”

“What are you talking about?” Asterix asked.

“I am old, Gaul,” Sinistrus told him. “Centuries old, and it is nearly time for my plan to begin- however, I cannot do it alone. I need another like me if I am to turn the world.” He smiled, showing his teeth. No, not entirely teeth- where his canines should have been were two long, sharp fangs. “This world will belong to the vampires!!”

Vampires?! “But- but they’re just a myth,” Asterix stammered, flabbergasted. “A story told so that children will behave!”

Enraged, Sinistrus swung the Gaul close to his face. Baring his fangs, the vampire hissed, “do I seem  _ mythical _ to you?! I have seen the destruction of countless civilizations! I have destroyed innumerable bloodlines- and yet you call me a myth?!” He snarled. “I will end you, puny mortal-“

_ “Let Asterix go!!” _

* * *

It was Obelix. He and Dogmatix had managed to track Sinistrus’ progress and arrived just in time. From his position on Obelix’s shoulder, the little dog growled.

Sinistrus whipped his head around. “You dare?!”

“Let him go,” Obelix said again, fists clenched, “so I can pound you!!” Dogmatix jumped down, barking in agreement.

Asterix took advantage of the vampire’s momentary distraction to kick out. His feet connected with Sinistrus’ torso, and the Roman vampire let go in surprise. Asterix toppled to the ground, narrowly avoiding falling off the cliff, and saw something else drop from the vampire’s toga- his gourd of magic potion.

As Obelix barreled towards Sinistrus, and Sinistrus darted forward to meet him, Asterix rolled towards the gourd. Surely there was some left, some he could use, even bound hand and foot. Besides, once the potion did its work, his bonds wouldn’t matter.

Before he could reach the gourd, however, Sinistrus skidded backwards from the force of Obelix’s punch and crashed into him. The impact was enough to send the Gaulish warrior rolling away, and before he knew it, he’d gone past the cliff edge.

Obelix was running forward to attack Sinistrus again when he saw his friend vanish over the side.  _ “No!!!”  _ He shouted in fear. Switching his attention from the Roman, who he shoved aside, to Asterix, he scooped up the gourd and dove over the edge.

* * *

Asterix didn’t cry out, except for an initial shout of surprise. He hurtled towards the dark waters below, whipped into a frenzy by the wind and the rain, and worked fiercely to free himself. He might have a better chance at surviving the fall if he had his hands free. “Come on,” he muttered, twisting his wrists. “Come on..!”

_ “Asterix!!” _

The warrior glanced up. Obelix had followed him over the side and was falling down the cliff face towards him. One hand held his helmet tight to his head, the other was reaching frantically for Asterix.

A broad grin spread across the Gaul’s face. “There you are,” he joked. “Did you finish your boar?” He hadn’t seen Obelix leave, yes, but knowing his massive friend, it was easy enough to guess where’d he’d gone.

“Nearly,” Obelix answered, matching the grin. “I got distracted by some Romans who’d made off with my best friend.”

“Don’t worry,” Asterix replied, chuckling. “I’ll get you  _ two _ boars when-“

He didn’t get to finish his sentence, for just then, he hit the water. It drove the breath out of him, and it was  _ cold. _ The next moment, he was hurled back above the surface as Obelix cannonballed down, sending up a tidal wave. As he started his descent again, he found himself landing in the broad arms of Obelix. The water here was only up to his friend’s waist. The two stared at each other for a moment, then started to laugh, relieved at the close call they’d had.

“Say, Asterix,” Obelix asked once their laughter had faded.

“Yes, Obelix?” Asterix asked.

Obelix started wading for shore, handing Asterix the still-full gourd. “Was that Roman really a vampire?”

“I believe so, Obelix,” answered the warrior. They reached the sand and he waited as his friend tore the ropes off, then added, “with the help of the potion, we should be able to defend against him should he attack again. Did you see where he went?”

The large Gaul shook his head, setting his smaller friend down. “No, I didn’t. He didn’t come after us, though.”

“Hmm.” Asterix’s brow furrowed as he thought. “I wonder why? He mentioned something about finding another to become his thrall, after he tried to… I don’t know, hypnotize me? But where would he find…”

His voice trailed off as he realized the answer. He looked up at Obelix, and their faces showed an identical expression of horror.

_ “The village!!” _


End file.
